About Me

 Now that I've warmed up,

let's dive into more detail about my exciting life.

On my game side:

    My first table top game was D& D 3.5e. Going to be honest, I was a shitty player constantly trying to cheat and I had literally no idea how to role play other than solidifying me into a single trope that never changed. I went into a few games for 2-3 sessions before getting bored. My mind then was very scattered with too many ideas. That's still the case today but it was the same back then. I had a new character idea every single day, sometimes even 5 as I looked through the classes available to me. I had a bottomless hunger I couldn't fulfill and a very patient DM that tried their best to bend to my whim. Unfortunately I burnt them out, and their life took a negative turn. 

 

    Thus ended my interest in D&D until about 5 years ago or so. But I never stopped thinking about making my own game. In fact, it spurred what would eventually become a multi-universe world building project that I wanted to fit a role play game into that had a million options to choose from. The story of those worlds are still ongoing, by the way, and is worked on at least once a week.

    About 5 years ago a new coworker came into my life that has been playing since D&D released. The very first release. We talked for literally hours about the game, and he is an amazing listener that wanted to hear everything about my world. I'm sure you can imagine how long it would take to get through everything. He brought up D&D to me again and I checked it out: 5e was released just a year before he arrived. So we gave it a go, and I would use one of my universe settings that I had been working on more "recently" (about 7 years). Of course, I was the DM, and it was an extremely stressful position. I barely knew any of the rules and my friend forced me to come up with rules at that point and I would look them up later. This restarted my love for options, and thus I began brewing.

On my brewing side:

    Literally 3 months after starting 5e I decided my knowledge was ripe enough to start making my own content for my players to use. The Viper rogue was my very first creation. It was as bad as you'd expect, but the flavor was amazing. Unfortunately soon after I started brewing, my anxiety over being DM and doing live role play (I'm only familiar with online text RP) I had a severe and crippling case of embarrassment and anxiety from role playing. But that couldn't stop the literal tsunami of ideas and character options that would spur my 5 year journey that hasn't slowed down in the least.

    I would go on to homebrew a minimum of 3 subclasses each day for a full 3 years before I started to experience any burn out. Was I getting exhausted? Sometimes. My burn out rarely lasts longer than 2 weeks,. The worst I have is 1 month. By that point I was significantly more familiar with the rules and balance at hand. Was I good at brewing? No, lmao. I'm a slow learner - I have a learning disability, but more on that later. Was I getting better? Very much so. I didn't truly capture what making content was about until I created my Primeval Domain cleric. (Link: Primeval Domain) Creating a subclass was no longer about the balance of my content, but things that naturally led a player to role play their subclass. Within my cleric example, Primeval Armor was what defined my love for the subclass - everything else was just par of the course. It told the player how they can make their subclass feel more alive and not just a bunch of features with numbers attached.

 

 On my disability:

    I hate using it as an excuse so I don't bring it up in any conversations I have unless it's talked about. I don't hate the disability itself, I just hate that I feel like it's a poor excuse as to why I'm developing so slowly. My disability combined with my early upbringing of being an only child with no friends also forces me to think in very strange or obscure ways, but you wouldn't know until you've spoken with me for a long while as I've gotten better with social skills.

    Another issue I have is maladaptive day dreaming. If I'm not doing something that demands my attention I'm day dreaming. I day dream even while I need to pay attention. If a situation is extremely stressful, I force myself into a subsurface of imagination and block out the real world. This is really bad for me, but I feel more comfortable in life by removing myself from the boring, stressful world. I've been doing it since I was around 5 or so. The power and speed of my imagination is far more extreme than most people I meet. It even extends to my dreams, where I can see the lines on my palm, my finger prints, or the tiny rocks in cement (even the little sparkles are there). My dream world can also simulate the physical world with incredible accuracy (Though, not all of them do). Ensuring that my imagination closely follows the simulation of proper universal laws is very important to me.

On now:    

    My goal has never changed: create my own role playing game. The love and interest for that idea when I first played 3.5 hasn't dwindled. Not even a centimeter. The obsession drives me to use my maladaptive day dreaming to its advantage: rapid idea creation. And now that brings me to what I consider the second era. My first was when I discovered the Primeval Domain cleric, and now the second era is discovering that new information I have has re-contextualize old information, and now I feel as if I'm starting from the beginning again, and rediscovering my love for creation. I'm at my happiest when I have fun ideas to chew on. I want to create a game people love to play. Do I want to make money off it? I would be lying if I said no. But I want the content to be "pay what you want" because I know what it's like to not have enough money. If people want to make money off my stuff then I will demand it be "pay what you want", but they are free to do whatever otherwise.